What do I know about inFertility?
What does this woman know about infertility?
I have never tried to conceive a baby.
So how can I relate? Let me tell you a story...
My marriage was done.
I knew it was dead.
I didn’t want it to be dead.
I loved my soon to be ex-husband but love alone can’t make things work out.
Everywhere I looked all I saw was couples holding hands, my friends married, happy couples posting vacation pics on FB. I had such a deep desire to be with my then husband. I wanted him back in my life. It seemed so unfair that people had no clue how lucky they were to be together. It seemed like life was being cruel to me. Excluding me. Only allowing other people to have marriages that could weather the storm.
Not me.
I was left out.
I had such terrible jealousy. Then I felt shameful for feeling jealous. I stopped going to my girlfriend’s house because I couldn’t handle seeing her happy with her husband. I was so mad. Why me??? I’m a good person. Why was this happening to me?
This was all made worse by people telling me things like:
“You're a great catch! You'll be married again.”
“I would be happy to live by myself.”
“I would kill to get space from my husband.”
“You don’t know how lucky you are. You’re missing nothing.”
“Some things are meant to be destroyed. You’ll see that later.”
Wow. Thanks for the words of wisdom.
At that moment, I knew some portion of what my clients were experiencing. The profound mixture of emotions. Desiring something so badly it hurts your bones. The unexplainable series of events which led you to “this” point. Disappointment of seeing yourself living a certain life - the opposite of your dream. The daily courage to get out of bed and sit with the pain of the other options and how badly they all sucked.
Until this point, I’ve kept my experience to myself.
Why? Because I’m wise enough to understand the profoundly deep calling to be a mother - which I think is stronger than the desire to be with a partner.
There’s plenty of men. One who may come along and be my partner but some women will never have their baby, leaving a gaping hole in their lives for forever.
Yes, I can, at least in part, relate to them because of my journey. In fact, many ask me If I had infertility issues because I seem to clearly understand them.
Here’s what I understand:
The dream of having a baby, a family lives strong in your heart. The dream is so strong you will keep moving forward even though you want to give up.
Infertility is a multifaceted problem with many unanswered questions. It’s hard to pick the right solution with so many options. It can feel overwhelming and leave you exhausted emotionally from overdoing, overthinking and over-researching.
Many women I work with feel time dripping through their hands like water and they rollercoaster between hopeful and hopeless (and everything in between). They carry such intense feelings of being a failure or feeling broken.
This is all made worse by the fact that women just don’t talk about infertility. It becomes the elephant in the room. Most people don’t understand infertility is a serious health issue - your friends/family taking it too lightly. You get ‘advice’ from well meaning friends that misses the mark entirely.
And then there’s the stress between you and your partner. The difficulty in reaching out for help (even when you know you need it). The whole thing is stressful.
And then of course there are…
So. Many. Babies.
Everyone you see, reminds you of what you don’t yet have (and fear you might never have).
Infertility requires tremendous internal strength to face all emotional parts that are being triggered. I know you are brave and courageous to be on this journey.
In the treatment process, I am present with you, to understand and support you as you navigate your pathway to conception. I will support your physical body/fertility and be a listening ear to your concerns. You don’t need to “go it” alone.
